Yesterday, I left the torch many times to put the beads up for the day, because I just couldn't find my Mojo. I was hearing this big voice in my head saying "spacer beads - go back to the beginning". Oh no, was I being summoned to begin again? Yes I was ! - my answer "No, No not spacer beads". I had this idea that to be a big time bead artist, I had to create these mammoth art pieces of glass that were beyond any ones wildest dreams. Well, maybe sometime in the future. But, reality struck and the reality of the matter is that my pieces lacked any real creativity on my part. I've done such a wonderful job of studying my favorite glass artist's pieces that my mind is full of their ideas and NOT my own. Danger, Danger. My favorite artists, Manuela, Melanie, Annestasia and many others had filled up all the space in my head and there was no more room for me - where were MY ideas?
I have to say, I did write to Manuela and told her I was copying her beads a while back. She very graciously wrote back and said "Take your time Suzanne". Your own ideas will come. I am forever grateful to her for that because I learned many techniques copying her beads. Melanie's as well, however, I wasn't as honest with Melanie or the others as I was with Manuela. I'm sure they would have told me the same thing Manuela did because they also are, by all accounts, free spirits and loved by all.
However, I've considered myself such a beginner that after two years of torching I had lost all confidence in coming up with my own ideas because there are so many talented bead makers out there - they are all better than me, and there will always be someone better than me. This was a crossroads for me in my bead making career. Was I to become, in my own mind, an apprentice once again beginning with SPACER BEADS. I made a decision at that point. YES, WAS MY ANSWER. YES. After all, am I making beads because I love it. Or, was I making beads to be better than anyone else? I had become what I never intended to become. A copier.
So, I am back at the beginning. I am going to make the best spacer beads I can make. They will be so easy for me that by the time I am able to make a bead that is actually my own idea, it will pass my biggest critics approval - that being ME. I'll be pulling many stringers and making many twisties too.
So much for the haps and the mishaps in my bead making kingdom in my own mind for today. More than likely you will be seeing many, many spacer beads in the upcoming posts. Let's see where we go from here.
A funny thing happened when I came to that conclusion. I got really really full of joy and inspired. I learned that by being WILLING I have a new found love for bead making. I loved coming to the torch today knowing it is a spacer making day. One day at a time I believe to see improvements in my spacer beads as new ideas come whirling around in my brain as I wind that glass in my own way. I will continue making spacer beads until that happens. I may be here for a long long time. Who knows. Maybe I'm suppose to be the best spacer bead maker in the world. ;o) Acceptance and Surrender.
Much love in following my posts. You are my biggest fans and I in sharing my heart with you I've found a new freedom.
Suzanne
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